By Julie Woodley
“A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping
for her Children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”
Matthew 2:18
The British Journal of Psychiatry, September, 2011 states:
“Based on 22 studies, the results of this meta-analytic review of the abortion and mental health literature indicate quite consistently that abortion Is associated with moderate to highly Increased risks of psychological problems subsequent to the procedure. Overall, the results revealed that women who had undergone an abortion experienced an 81% Increased risk of mental health problems, and nearly 10% of the Incidence of mental health problems was shown to be directly attributable to abortion.”
The British Journal of Psychiatry (2011) 199, 180-186. Dol: 10.1192/bjp.bp.110.077230
“This important statistical review accurately proves that the effects of abortion hurt women for long periods and in many unhealthy ways.”
To be able to grieve over your abortion may be one of the hardest things you have ever done. This is made especially difficult by a society that doesn’t allow us to grieve. Dr. Theresa Burke, in her book Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion, writes, “As a society, we don’t understand abortion. We debate it. We pass laws about it. We argue about it as a moral and political issue. But we don’t understand it as a life-changing experience. In that latter regard, grief after an abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society.”(1) This is a great national tragedy!
Dr. Julius Fogel, who is both a psychiatrist and an obstetrician who personally performed over 20,000 abortions, writes, “Every woman—whatever her age, background or sexuality—has a trauma at destroying a pregnancy. A level of humanness is touched. This is a part of her own life. When she destroys a pregnancy, she is destroying herself. There is no way it can be innocuous. One is dealing with the life force. It is totally beside the point whether or not you think a life is there. You cannot deny that something is being created and that this creation is physically happening….Often the trauma may sink into the unconscious and never surface in the woman’s lifetime. But it is not as harmless and casual an event as many in the pro-abortion crowd insist. A psychological price is paid. It may be alienation; it may be a pushing away from human warmth, perhaps a hardening of the maternal instinct. Something happens on the deeper levels of a woman’s consciousness when she destroys a pregnancy. I know that as a psychiatrist.”(2)
I have spoken to scores of women who have experienced an abortion, and I frequently hear women state, “I’m fine, it really didn’t affect me at all,” or, “Forgive and forget; I never think of that day…it’s gone forever.” These women enter a “sisterhood of denial” as Dr. Theresa Burke calls it, and the words of reality (especially the “a-word”) are avoided at all costs.
Forbidden Word, Forbidden Pain
A few years ago I was talking with a group of women and I began to speak on the topic of abortion. The room was filled with strong emotion as several women began to also share their abortion experiences. One woman shared her grief over having two abortions and then not being able to have children after that. Another woman quickly dismissed her grief as she told us that she had experienced three abortions while being a youth counselor at a prominent church. She said, “I know I’m forgiven by God, and I don’t really need to talk about it.”
I shared with her that I, too, had experienced the forgiveness of God but what was hardest for me was to experience the forgiveness of my children for taking their little lives. At first she was silent, and then she said painfully, “I’m not going there… that hurts too much… I think we need to change the subject now.”
My heart grieved for her and others like her who are afraid to take off the scab of pain because underneath could be deep pockets of grief, shame, anger, and regret. It is easy to cover it with superficial statements that reinforce the social perception that abortion is “no big deal.” But the truth is abortion is a complex and private experience that really doesn’t lend itself to casual conversation. One of the goals of the Into My Arms series, produced by the AACC and Restoring the Heart Ministries, is to let women know that there are people who love them and want to let them vent those deep emotions that may have been “off-limits” in the past.
The idea of calling this curriculum Into My Arms came from my own healing in my dreams and prayers. That is where I found God though the trauma of my own abortion. I truly believe that the best way to bring the healing of Christ into our hearts is to surround ourselves with the beauty that God offers us—through nature, the flowers, sunlight, snow, through our God given prayers and dreams and the face and voice of others.
“It’s enough to realize one’s nothingness and give oneself wholly, like a child, into the arms of our good God.” ~ Therese of Lisieux
“The tears…streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.” ~ Augustine
When we are faced with the shame of the decision we made to abort our child, we must ask God to send us a true prayer warrior—someone who meets God with naked trust. What would that man or woman tell you? As Thomas Merton says, “Surrender your poverty and acknowledge your nothingness to the Lord. Whether you understand it or not, God loves you, is present in you, lives in you, dwells in you, calls you, saves you and offers you an understanding and compassion which are like nothing you have ever found in a book or heard in a sermon.”(3)
I know this part of our journey is not a simple romp in the flowers. When I came face-to-face with the fact that I had aborted two babies and convinced other women to have abortions, I was horrified. But my self-hatred was eating my life away like cancer. I was forced to open up this festering wound and let the love and light of God into the crevasse of all my dark sin. God became my lifeline to continuing on and letting go of self-condemnation. God was asking me—the chief of sinners—to accept my unworthiness and be filled with His extravagant love and redemption. I had no choice but to call myself the “beloved” of Christ—this is all I had left!
The original purpose for our lives is union with Him. God is defined as love (1 John 4:16). If we truly believe this, it will turn our worlds upside down—in a good way! This is not just some made up thought—it is at the core of our existence, our identity. I must confess, when I faced my abortions, I had come to the end of my resources, my frantic achievements to make everything “better” and “in control” so I wouldn’t have to acknowledge my sin, my human condition, my selfishness. Instead, I became obsessed with the consuming love of God. My total existence, every cell of my body had to revolve around it if I was to see and experience hope and love for tomorrow!
“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”
Deuteronomy 33:12 NIV
To escape being haunted by feelings of unworthiness, we must let Jesus come into the darkness. He is the Savior of endless compassion, infinite patience—a Lover who is gentle and keeps no scorecard for our wrongdoings. Only Jesus can help us to recover the passion in our lives.
I was speaking at a convent a few years back. The experience was very moving. The chapel was filled with people from the outside as well nuns who had come to hear me speak. After the talk and memorial service I did for my unborn babies, many came up to speak with me. It took a while to get through the group of people, and as I spoke to each one individually, I noticed a nun in the corner quietly waiting. I turned to her as the last person left, held out my hand and said, “Thank you for waiting so long to speak to me. What is on your heart, Sister?”
As she began to cry, she told me, “I am 76 years old; I had an abortion 50 years ago. I think of the child every day… I am so filled with grief and regret. I finally need to release it. Can we talk?” I felt like I was on sacred ground as I listened to the heart cries of this sweet nun. We spent about two hours together—floods of memory came bursting forth. After tears and some laughter and many prayers for forgiveness and love, she got out of her chair and said with a beaming smile, “I can live now! The burden is lifted; I will see my child soon.” WOW! That made all of the work I do so worthwhile—what a holy time I had with this sweet nun. I can’t wait to get to heaven and meet her and her child!
I want to challenge you on this journey to trust God with all the wounded parts of yourself. Over time, God will use your faith and devotion to Him to melt away your pain. Please understand that the lasting effects of an abortion (especially one kept in the secret) can plague a woman and a man throughout her/his entire life. The past weighs heavy on us and our lives can be internally organized around our abortion experience. But if you do the internal work of processing it, then grace, freedom, and love flow out of that deep, dark secret. To experience this freedom, the loss must be confronted, processed, and grieved in order for us to move on with the healing that God longs for us to experience.
Into My Arms is a tremendous resource for those who are suffering from the trauma associated with having had an abortion. This ten-part series with accompanying curriculum is targeted toward Christian counseling professionals and lay people who wish to bring hope and healing to the brokenhearted. This series includes some of the top experts in healing from the emotional pain of abortion: Dr. Theresa Burke, Dr. David Reardon, Dr. David Stoop, Dr. Diane Langberg,
Dr. Jeanette Vought, Joe Young, Heartbeat International, Vicki Thorn, Project Rachel, Fr. Benedict Groeschel, Stacey Massey, Christopher West, The Justice Foundation’s Allan Parker, John Eldredge, Jason Jones (“Bella” Executive Producer), Linda Cochrane, Julie Woodley, Dr. Tim Clinton, Jennifer Cisney, Millie Lace and many many more.
I invite you to live from your heart, dear sister. How exactly this is done can be something of a mystery, and it’s different for all of us, but I know that a life without living from the heart is not worth living. It is easy after the pain of an abortion to lose heart and live in busyness, in survival mode—because it just hurts too much to live from the heart. I want you to know that God has something better for you! He wants us to hear His call as we join Him in the dance of life!
Julie Woodley (Founder/Director-Restoring the Heart Ministries) www.RTHM.cc
Julie wrote/produced Into My Arms as well as In The Wilflowers.
Julie Woodley also works for Timberline Knolls
The Christian Treatment Program at Timberline Knolls, a residential treatment facility for woman and girls in Chicago, Illinois, recognizes the unique needs of woman suffering from trauma. The Christian treatment program offers specialized treatment to woman seeking recovery from the trauma of post-abortion as well as treatment for many other types of trauma. www.timberlineknolls.com
1) Theresa Burke with David C. Reardon, Forbidden Grief (Acorn Books, 2007), 32.
2). From an interview with columnist Colman McCarthy, “A Psychological View of Abortion,” St. Paul Sunday Pioneer Press, March 7, 1971. Dr. Fogel, who continued to do abortions for the next two decades, reiterated the same view in a subsequent interview with McCarthy, “The Real Anguish of Abortions” The Washington Post, Feb. 5, 1989.
(3) Thomas Merton, The Hidden Ground of Love (New York: Penguin, 1966), 56.
Filed under: Abortion, Christian Counseling, Christianity, Depression, Forgiveness, Mental Illness
