The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year?

I have “known” Randall Slack and his daughter for several years.  Today we can know people via the phone and internet without having met.  Randall has been a Pastor and served God faithfully. You’re about to meet Rachel.  She was a big reason I began this blog as I used to read her blog and it inspired me.  Read this carefully.  Read it twice.  You’ll be better for it.  Randall’s blog is located   HERE.   Rachel’s can be found  HERE.  Pray for the Slacks.  Allan

“To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”  Isaiah 61:3, NKJV

Christmas music has started on the radio. The Christian station here is playing nothing but Christmas music. This song, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is being played over and over. For many, it is true. For some it is not.

Many are mourning the loss of a loved one, or are homeless, or have experienced a divorce, the suicide of a loved one, the loss of a Father/Mother/Son/Daughter/friend in combat, or suffering from physical and mental illnesses. This song, to them, mocks their suffering and sorrow.

Statistically, there are less suicides at Thanksgiving and Christmas than at any other time of year. (It is a myth that more suicides are committed during the Holidays than at any other time of the year – check out Snopes).

According to NIMH (the National Institute of Mental Health, http://www.nimh.nih.gov), “research shows the risk factors for suicide include:

depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder (often in combination with other mental disorders). More than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have these risk factors.

prior suicide attempt

family history of mental disorder or substance abuse

family history of suicide

family violence, including physical or sexual abuse

firearms in the home, the method used in more than half of suicides

incarceration

exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members, peers, or media figures.

However, suicide and suicidal behavior are not normal responses to stress; many people have these risk factors, but are not suicidal. Research also shows that the risk for suicide is associated with changes in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, including serotonin. Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in people with depression, impulsive disorders, and a history of suicide attempts, and in the brains of suicide victims.”

If you are under extreme distress, or have thoughts of suicide or thinking about harming yourself, please contact one of the following:

UK: Contact your GP – Take yourself to Accident and emergency @ your nearest NHS hospital (24/7) – NHS Direct 0845 4647

USA: Contact 911 – Contact your Doctor – Take yourself to emergency hospital.

Or Contact: ‘The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’ on; 1 – 800 -273 -TALK (8255) toll free 24/7

It is believed that the suicide rate is lower because the support of family and friends is greater at this time of year due to increased interaction than at other times of the year. But it doesn’t change the fact that many are seriously depressed at this time of the year.

For them, it seems that there is no way out of their suffering. They feel helpless and many have lost hope of things ever improving. All too often, Job’s Comforters come along and “diagnose” their problem as “not having enough faith; or not praying enough or reading the Word enough, or not trusting God.”

For many the problem may be spiritual, so confession, repentance, and Christian counseling is the answer. But for many, the problem is physical, a chemical imbalance in the brain which affects behavior. This requires a diagnosis by a qualified medical health professional, and almost always, medication. Yet even then, life is dealt with in a day-by-day struggle.

Now lest you think I am speaking from theoretical knowledge, I am the father of a daughter who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth), bipolar disorder is defined as, “a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression. The ‘mood swings’ between mania and depression can be very quick.”

Before I go any further, let me tell you a little about my daughter. She is very intelligent. A straight “A” student throughout school. A National Merit Scholar, graduating in the top 1% of her High School class. She attended Texas A&M, and due to her high placement score, was given credit for 1 semester of school before she even started. She is brilliant, articulate, and very hard working. She is a gifted artisan, and anything she puts her hand to she soon masters. She is a student of Scripture, having rededicated her life to Jesus in 2000. She knows the Bible better than I do (which is no big deal, as I am admittedly ignorant – the more I learn, the less I realize I know).

During her third year of college, she began to exhibit the signs of bipolar disorder. She quit school and withdrew herself from her family, moved to Austin, and got into the “Rave” scene (which involved a time of drug abuse). During the next 4 years, we saw her exactly 4 times (Christmas). She would never stay more than 30 minutes.

In 2000, she gave her life to Christ, and started attending church. But the bipolar disorder continued. She has been prayed for by people from all over the country, literally. She has had hands laid on her and her mother and I have wept and pleaded with God to heal. However, at this time He has chosen not to hear her. He has His reasons, and we are thankful that things are not worse.

As a child, she would complain of having a “funny feeling” at times, that would make her worrisome and apprehensive. (This was 1978. There was very little information about mental illness at the time, and speaking of it was “taboo”, especially in the church). We would pray for her and do our best to comfort her. I now believe what she was experiencing was “panic attacks.” She was so happy to start attending school, but we also noticed that she put herself under tremendous pressure to get all “A’s.” We would assure her all we expected was that she do her best. But the idea of getting anything else than an “A” was unthinkable to her. As a teenager she was moody and irritable (what teenager isn’t?). But things came to a head when my job transferred me to Texas in 1988. (Go to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth, to read more about how the changes she went through line up with bipolar disorder).

High school was very difficult for her, and we did not handle her illness very well because we were ignorant. Then she went off to college. After her second year she came home for the summer. She would stay up all night chatting on the computer, suffering from sleeplessness. When I put an end to it, she left. Then the 4 year period of silence began.

In 2009, we realized that she was not doing very well and made the decision to have her move to Oklahoma and live with us. She agreed that it was best and did so. Within 4 months, she was hospitalized with severe depression and thoughts of harming herself. Over the course of the next year, she was hospitalized two more times.

This year we moved back to Texas. Rachel was excited as it was a chance for her to renew old acquaintances and a fresh start. She has been working and doing well until yesterday when my wife took her to the hospital so she could check herself into the Mental Health Ward. Again, severe depression and thoughts of harming herself.

We have come to learn of the “cycle” of bipolar disorder in her. We have yet to understand what “triggers” the episodes. It seems that she gets gradually happier until we are concerned about her laughing at things that are seemingly “normal” and would nor usually trigger intense laughter. It is always followed by periods of severe depression. Then, the “cycle” repeats itself. Usually, she does not need hospitalization. But as is the case with her, when she has thoughts of harming herself, she knows she needs help. And we realize it as well, because we have watched it unfold.

So here it is, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my daughter is in the hospital, and this stupid song, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is being played over and over again on the radio.

My wife is brokenhearted. Her pain for her daughter is almost unbearable. She cries for her firstborn daughter. She prays for her firstborn daughter.

Allan (More Than Coping) has been after me for some time now to write about Mental Illness from a father’s perspective. Today is the day.

For years, I thought people who claimed to have “Mental Illness” were just flakes looking for a free ride and an excuse for their sin. But my eyes have been opened. Yes, hers is a physical illness in her brain that affects the way she thinks, feels and acts. It is, therefore, a Mental Illness.

As her father, I cannot adequately express my sorrow for my daughter and the pain of watching her suffer. Her suffering is real. Her pain is real. I have prayed and cried out, and shed many a tear in wrestling with the Lord for her. But He has chosen not to heal her. And I am grateful. Why? Because He has given her the ability to recognize when she needs help instead of letting her end her life at her own hand. Some of you reading this may have had a child who committed suicide and know the pain I have been spared. As a pastor, I have never had to do a funeral for a child who took their life; but I have done funerals for children. And the pain in the parents eyes was unbearable. I can only imagine the pain of a parent who has lost a child to suicide – honestly, it is my greatest fear.

Jesus Christ came to save sinners. And if Paul is the chief, then I am one of the Indians. I am beginning to understand the feelings of our Heavenly Father as He watched His Son suffer for us. He had the ability to act, and for reasons we now understand, He chose not to. He has the ability to act on behalf of my daughter, and for reasons I do not now understand, He has chosen not to act. But I will come to know. And in that day, I will rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory. Until then, we continue to wrestle with God in prayer for our daughter.

We can trust God. Many days, I am reminded of the conversation Jesus had with His disciples in John 6:66-69: “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you also want to go away?’ But Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.’” (NKJV).

This is what I believe. Until that day, I continue to pray for God’s promise in Isaiah: “To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61:3, NKJV)

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

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