Standing At A Distance: How Dirty Are We Willing To Get?

David and Jonathan part.

To this day I remember small details of my youth.  These memories go back 45 plus years and they are etched in my memory.  Many of my days I would have breakfast, get dressed, and be outside the rest of the day.  Much of my time was spent playing ball.  Baseball, football, and basketball to be specific.  We played football and baseball on the streets.  Mostly we played at the local school.  We could play for hours.

After we had finished for the day we were sweaty and dirty but nobody cared.  Half the time I’d go to bed without showering if I could get away with it.  We walked barefoot everywhere.  Life was carefree with no responsibilities.  My friends and I got a lot of mileage out of our youth.  Slowly as we got older things would change.  Guys got girlfriends while others began working at young ages and slowly life took us in different directions.

At the close of the movie “Stand By Me”  the writer made a pretty powerful comment.

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Does anybody?”

When you’re 12 things are cut and dry. Your friends are your friends and you are together all of the time. You do all the things kids do but there were also times when we talked about what would become of us. We would describe the girl we thought we’d end up marrying. We were together through thick and thin.

I look back now and can see how things worked out for everyone. Then I think back to those long summer days when we thought we were invincible. What I would give to go back in time and just observe things from my youth. I can’t though. So I rely on memories. Now they are fading!

Proverbs 17:17  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24b….   but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

In my youth I could relate to these two verses.  Friends stuck together.  Real friends stuck together through everything.  Nowadays and even in my youth friendship was twisted when it was redefined and based on gang affiliation.  Typically gang members came from broken homes and being part of a group that accepted you was as good as it got.  The fruit of these affiliations was violence and conditional love.  The interesting thing is my friendships were with some who came from difficult home circumstances.  Thank God we never crossed certain lines.

There were a few guys who were especially close to me.  They knew my deepest thoughts and I knew theirs.  We talked openly and shared a deep bond.  It wasn’t based on faith in God but the friendships were deep and true.

2Samuel 1:25  How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan is slain on your high places.
2Samuel 1:26  I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan. Very pleasant you have been to me. Your love to me was wonderful, more than the love of women.

In the Bible I am reminded of the bond between David and Jonathan.  There were reasons they shouldn’t have been friends at all, let alone close knit ones.  Above we read David’s response upon learning Jonathan had that day died in battle.  His grief must have been deep as you can see from his words.  That is friendship that is marked by God’s love, something that transcends all other friendships.  Isn’t that what we desire in our lives?  Those one or two friends who are born for adversity.  When things are tough they are right there with you.  They know you warts and all but it doesn’t change a thing.  You mess up and there they are ready to help you up.  You are also there for them in the same way.

Mental illness has been described as a messy business.  You’re going to get dirty if you seek to become involved in the life of a person who is struggling.  It’s a commitment that requires more than 70%.  It means staying the course and not bailing out when things are difficult as they often can be.

Maybe you’re the toast of the town.  Plugged in at church.  Involved in ministry.  Very giving.  Then your life spirals a bit out of control.  You fall into depression.  Your bi-polar disorder that had previously been under control rears its ugly head.  Maybe your spouse is struggling.  In any of these circumstances word gets out and suddenly people change.  Friends begin to question your walk with God.  They stop calling.  You finally go to speak with someone and you’re told your faith is weak or there is sin that needs to be confessed.  Pretty sad but much too common.

These responses from some can crush a person and cause them all sorts of misery.  They withdraw and become isolated and their hope begins to wane.  They are struggling and their friends are silent not quite sure of what to do.  This should not be so.

What kind of friends are we?  How far are we willing to go to help that person we know who is fighting the battle of their life?  Are we willing to come along side of them or will we be content to stand at a distance?

Thank God there are those in the church who are willing to be that friend.  They’ll be there for you even at a personal cost.  Are we willing to touch the untouchable?  I pray that more of us would be that person even if we are struggling personally.  I believe God is waiting and as we give we will receive back.  And while this is taking place the church will see that there are Angels who walk among us.